Lately I’ve been having these relentless nightmares. Most of the time I can’t say what they’re about, which is odd for me, since I can still remember — in vivid detail — dreams I had when I was seven or eight years old.
But these dreams are different.
It all started when I re-designed RKA ink last August. I was so rushed to finish my re-design and hurry back to client work that my late nights and early mornings folded into one another: whatever I was working on right before going to sleep, I was doomed to work on all night long. It was as if I was always dangling right above deep sleep on a bungee cord: never descending, only bouncing above REM like a rag doll. I literally dreamt in code, woke up, and bolted for the computer to implement my new slumber soaked solution.
I was the New York of web designers: I didn’t sleep.
After a few weeks (okay — days!) of this, my life started feeling like Groundhog’s Day in Hell…with Shari Louis and Lamb Chop ominously singing the soundtrack: This is the day that never ends… With the line between “asleep” and “awake” blurred by the fact that I still accomplished the same tasks, regardless of what state I was in, I wasn’t an awesomepreneur anymore — I was a prisoner of my own bad habits. What started off as a few harmless “dreams” turned my whole waking life into a nightmare.
And it’s happening again. But this time I’m fighting back. My approach? Beware the “On” button! My new commitment to myself looks something like this:
I will NOT turn on the computer until I _________.
Depending on the day of the week and my mood, I might fill in that blank with “exercise”; “write”; “snuggle my dog”; “eat a real breakfast”; etc. I’m not strict with myself about what goes in the blank, just that it somehow relate to the radical act of self care not self promotion. While I may not be able to control what I do with my time while I’m sleeping, I am in control of how I organize my waking hours. And part of creating new habits means reminding myself that I own my computer, not the other way around.
Not that it’s easy. Today I enforced my “On” button restriction and it took every last ounce of self control not to reach for that quick click. But I did it. I drank coffee. I played “zombie tag” with my dog (in a nutshell, me running around the yard yelling “Brains!”). I started this post. I hugged my honey.
I felt human.
And, after a hard day’s night of working in my sleep, I finally felt like I got some rest. I think I’ll make a habit of this…
Tip #48 for working with heart — do NOT turn on your computer until you…
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